Love's Journey
By: Jeremy Michaels
(© 2021 by the author)

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...

Part 1
2

As told and remembered by Jeremy Michaels

The following is the true story of a different kind of love and relationship. The names have been changed but the places are true. It may disturb some of you readers and others may find it arousing. Neither of those reasons are why I wrote this. There are more of us out there than most people think or even want to believe exist. Someone once said that true love knows no gender. That’s true but true love sometimes goes beyond what society deems acceptable. Our relationship is such a love and has been for over forty years.

This is not just my story but it’s our story. I’m Jeremiah Williams and I’m fifteen years old and I’m about to take you on a journey. It’s not a trip or some imaginary journey … it’s our journey.

The year is 1980 and my parents are deceased and I find myself sitting in family court in the city of Burlington, Vermont waiting for a judge to decide my future for me. Beside me is sitting my uncle, Randy Williams, my father’s only brother and my closest living relative. He’s here today because my father and mother, years ago it seems, they included a clause in their will that should they both become deceased, my uncle is to be appointed as my legal guardian. This is something that he very much doesn’t want because he’s as much as told me so. Well not directly but by way of a conversation that I overheard him having with someone on the phone when he thought that I wasn’t around.

“Of course he can’t live alone, he’s just fifteen for fucks sake,” my uncle is saying to someone on the phone. “I can’t just put him into foster care, my brother put this fucking clause in his will appointing me his guardian should he and his bitch-of-a-wife die.”

I had to agree with him about my mother because she totally disliked my uncle simply because he was gay. She had not much use for me either after I came out to her and Dad. In fact neither of them did.

“I know, I know already, but what the fuck can I do? At least he’s gay; that’s what I overheard a couple of my cousins saying at the cemetery. Shit, even the rabbi wouldn’t look or talk to him. It’s like the kid is some kind of outcast.”

There it was in a nutshell; nobody wanted me because I was gay and my being gay had caused my parent’s death.

“Mr. Williams, are you able not only to care for Jeremiah Williams, but can you provide housing and the necessary things that he will need to live a healthy and productive life?" the judge asks my uncle as he looks down at me for a moment before answering.

“Yes your honor,” he says stoically.

“Very well then; I appoint you the legal guardian for Jeremiah James Williams,” the judge says and bangs down his gavel, thus ending my case and directing my life.

“Let’s go kid,” not Jeremiah, not JJ, and not even nephew, just kid, is all that he refers to me by as he leaves the courtroom assuming that I am following him.

I was practically running to keep up with him as we hit the sidewalk outside the courthouse. We hurry about two blocks before he stops and turns to look sternly at me.

“Listen kid, you know as well as I do that I didn’t want you. But seeing how I’m stuck as your legal guardian until you’re eighteen, there’s going to be some ground rules. First and foremost, I’m gay and I think that you already know that. I like to have my friends over and we can get quite risqué, if you catch my drift. When they’re at my place I want you to keep your sorry ass in the room that I give you. You’re only to come out if you need to use the bathroom and then get back to your room. Am I clear on this?” he asks, looking down at me like I’m shit on the bottom of his shoes. He has his hands on his hips.

“Yes sir … but I’m gay also, so why can’t I hang out with you and your friends?”

“First: because you’re a kid and no one wants a fucking kid hanging around naked men having sex. Secondly: I’m not about to go to prison because I let you hang out with us while we're having sex. Now you’ll do as I tell you or I will give you to the state of New York’s foster care system.”

He turns and continues walking leaving me standing there in tears. I’m so unlovable that even my gay uncle doesn’t want me, I’m thinking. When I realize that I no longer see him I begin to panic. I'm about to go back to the courthouse when I see him pull his car alongside the curb.

“Get your fucking ass in the backseat or I will leave you here,” he tells me and I hurry into the car. “You might as well relax because we have a long drive back to where you’ll be living,” he tells me and I’m wondering just where that is.

“Where do we live, Uncle Randy?” 

“The Village. Now go to sleep or do whatever you would normally do but just leave me alone.”

It's dark when the car stops and I wake up with a start. I look out of the car window at all the tall buildings around me. People are still milling around so I figure that it can’t be that late, but then this doesn’t look like a village either. My uncle is outside the car kissing a very handsome man and his hands are groping the man’s ass, pulling him tightly to him. Do I get out or do I stay inside the car, I’m asking myself when I notice that the man is looking at me looking at them.

“We’re being watched sugar,” the man says and my uncle abruptly turns towards me and gives me a look that says mind your own fucking business.

“Maybe he’s got to go to the bathroom Randy, after all you’ve been driving for hours,” the man tells him and I just nod.

“Can you come up Kevin? I’ve missed you and I’m so fucking horny,” he groans against Kevin’s neck. “It will only take me a second to get him into his room and then I’m all yours sugar pie,” he says nuzzling Kevin’s neck.

“I guess that I can stay a little while.” He kisses my uncle and gives me a wink, but I’m not sure what to make of it.

I’m still a virgin even though I’m gay. I have lusted after quite a few of my friends but I never dared to make a move on any of them. Now here I am in something my uncle calls The Village, and I’m liking what I see. This Kevin is hot, not like a masculine hot guy, but for a gay teen that’s never been kissed or even fondled, he’s looking good. I can tell that he’s excited because his thin pants are tenting out and so are my uncle’s pants. Who am I kidding, my cock is rock hard just watching them kiss and knowing what they’ll be doing once they get inside.

“Come on handsome, let Kevin show you upstairs to your new home,” Kevin tells me, placing his arm around my shoulder and leading me down the street to where my uncle is waiting. “Well look at what you have hiding in your pants,” he points to my hard-on causing me to turn red. “I was once your age sweetie so I know all about how easy it is to get those lovely erections. But the question is, what are you going to do about it,” he asks and my blush deepens.

“Oh for crying out loud Kevin, he’s barely turned fifteen,” my uncle warns.

“Oh my, they do grow them big up there in the sticks, don’t they Randy?”

“I wouldn’t know and I really don’t give a fuck. Now get a move on,” he snaps at us causing me to follow him quickly.

“Don’t you pay him no attention because behind all that barking is a big ole teddy bear who cares very much about you.”

“No he doesn’t because he even told me that he doesn’t care. Besides, I’m unlovable so other than being used, I’m no good for anything else.”

Kevin just stood there staring at me like I had just told him something horrible. 

When we finally reach Randy’s apartment, nine flights up later, and I’m carrying two overstuffed suitcases, I’m exhausted. Even though I have slept most of the ride here, climbing nine flights of stairs loaded down with suitcases drained me. On top of climbing the stairs, I held my breath most of the time as we climbed. The smell in the dank hallways were atrocious and by the time that we reach the ninth floor I was ready to pass out from lack of oxygen. When I walk into Randy’s apartment I gasp a deep breath and start choking because the smell isn’t much better than the hallways were.

“Does it always smell like this,” I quietly ask Kevin who roars out with laughter.

“Welcome to New York City, Dorothy, you’re not in Kansas anymore.”

“No, no, I’m not Dorothy, I’m Jeremiah and I’m from Vermont,” I tell him which only makes him laugh harder.

“Oh Randy, his innocence is so precious. Too bad he’ll lose it living with you,” Kevin says and just the way that he says it must have irritated my uncle because he lifts his hand up but when he sees me cowering he lowers it.

“Let’s get you to your room,” he snaps and gives Kevin an evil glare before walking past me. “Move it,” he growls and I obediently follow him.

Over the next few months we barely speak unless it’s for him to issue an order which I’m expected to obey. He’s true to his word about having friends over because I spend quite a bit of time in my room. The only time that I get outside the apartment is for school, and the schools in this city are horrendous compared to my previous school. The only bright spot was another boy my age, Brian Phillips who was also gay and so not a virgin.

“How can you still be a virgin at fifteen years old and living in The Village? Dude, that’s the gay Mecca,” he tells me one day while we were walking home. “Haven’t you ever been to the bathroom in the park, it’s just hopping with guys looking for a hook up. All the stalls have glory holes that men stick their cock through to be sucked. Come on I’ll show you,” he says grabbing me by the hand and pulling me into this park. 

The bathroom was rather gloomy and had one lone light bulb to light up the room. Once my eyes adjusted to the dimness of the room I noticed that there were a few men standing at the three urinals and they all quickly glance our way when we enter the bathroom area. None are what I would consider hot, maybe lukewarm at the best, but they all had one thing in common, they wanted sex.

“Just do what I do JJ,” Brian tells me.

He moves to the farthest wall and drops his pants down to his ankles. He begins stroking his cock to hardness and within seconds this guy comes up and kneels in front of him. He takes Brian’s cock into his mouth and Brian’s hands are holding him by his head as he fucks the man’s mouth. This guy that’s kind of good looking kneels in front of me and looks up at me questioning me with his eyes.

“Well …” I nervously nod my head. “First time doing this thing kid?” he asks me as he busies his fingers undoing my pants. “Holy fuck, did I hit the jackpot,” he says when he finally frees my cock and both Brian and the guy blowing him glance over at my cock.

“Holy shit JJ, you’ve been holding out on me,” Brian says and pulls me to him and I get my first kiss.

“His lips are soft and why does he keep swiping his tongue across my lips,” I’m wondering. 

When I open my mouth to take a breath, his tongue invades it and my senses are invaded with a new set of emotions. His mouth is hot and tastes like juicy fruit gum. “I like this kind of kissing,” I’m thinking when all of a sudden I feel something moving between my ass cheeks.

The guy sucking me is pushing his finger into my hole and I’m not sure that I like it. I want to tell him not to do that, but Brian is still kissing me and I really don’t want to stop kissing him. Suddenly I gasp against Brian’s mouth as the guy’s finger invades my ass.

“Relax JJ and let him find that sweet spot inside you,” Brian tells me and I lean back against the man’s finger.

His mouth is busy sucking me and my mind is concentrating on what his finger is doing. Suddenly a sensation like nothing that I have ever felt before washes through me, it’s a warm fuzzy feeling that makes my balls pull up and erupt, shooting my sperm into the guy’s mouth. My hips begin thrusting back and forth on their own and Brian’s tongue is once again in my mouth kissing me as he, too, comes.

“So how was your first blowjob,” Brian asks me as we walk out of the bathroom.

“That was awesome dude, but I don’t know if I like having a finger up my ass,” I confess.

“Oh believe me, you’ll love it and more. Just wait until you get fucked up the ass,” he says but I’m cringing inside at the thought of it.

Weeks go by and although Brian and I frequent the public bathroom, we’ve become friends with benefits. That’s what he says we are. He’s my best friend and really, he’s my only friend. He’s also been my tutor in all things gay. I know that he wants to fuck me but I’m not ready yet to experience that next step in gay sex. My uncle knows that Brian and I are both gay and fooling around, he’s been cool with it as long as I don’t bring him back to his apartment.

It’s on this one Friday, I think it was Veteran’s Day that year and we were off from school. Uncle Randy allowed me to spend the day at Brian’s house mainly because it got me away from him. We’re still not what you would call amicable, maybe more like tolerant of each other would better describe our relationship. So with Brian’s parents at work at the hospital, because not everyone got the holiday off, he and I were sitting around in his bedroom getting high and naked. I was so, so mellow that I was just lying down with my head resting on Brian’s lap and playing with his cock.

“Jeremiah,” he says and I know that something is up other then his cock when he uses my name.

“Yeah?”

“Can I make love to you?” I was taken back by the phrase and sit up immediately to look at him. “I know that you are nervous and I really really like you. I’ll be gentle with you and I promise not to hurt you. So can I please,” he asks me quietly and I have never seen this side of him.

He’s looking at me like he’s in love with me and I know that I love him but is this the next step of a gay relationship I’m asking myself.

“I love you Brian and if you promise not to hurt me, yes you can make love to me,” I tell him and he’s on me like white on rice, kissing me like he’s never kissed me before.

“I have everything we need, give me a moment,” he says and he’s running out of the room.

Moments later he’s back with a bottle of baby oil and a towel. He spreads the towel on the bed and has me lie face down on it. I stretch out on the towel and he spreads my legs apart. I jump some when I feel the coldness of the baby oil running down the crack between my cheeks and jump again when he shoves his finger into me.

“I gotta open your hole up to accommodate my cock, JJ,” he says and now I’m JJ again.

He working his finger around for a few minutes before he pushes a second finger in and now I’m not sure that I made a wise decision. It’s not long before he pulls out his fingers and I relax but it’s short lived. Suddenly the most intense pain that I have ever experienced is invading my senses, my body as Brian’s cock thrusts deep into me.

“Take it out, it hurts too much,” I tell him and he lies across my back nibbling on my neck. “Breathe JJ, relax and the pain will go away,” he says and I take-in several deep breaths and will myself to relax, the pain lessens but not completely.

He’s lying there kissing and nibbling on my shoulders and neck as he moves his cock in and out ever so slowly until I find myself pushing back against his downward thrusts. I’m not completely comfortable with this new feeling but I’m not hating it anymore. He is a gentle lover, never pounding my ass like I’ve seen my uncle doing to his friends.

“Are you alright Jeremiah,” he asks and I’m again that special someone to him.

“I’m good Brian and I’m so in love with you,” I confess and I’m wondering why he pauses and stiffens at those words. “Aren’t you going to tell me that you love me too?”

“Dude, we’re only fifteen and too young to be in love. I really like you a lot JJ,” and there it is, I’m likable but not lovable.

I’m lying there while he uses my ass for a cum dump silently berating myself for allowing him to use me. He must sense my change in demeanor because he’s more aggressive now, a less gentle rhythm as he begins pounding my ass with a vengeance.

“I’m coming JJ, ride my cock,” he shouts and thrusts deep, pauses and I feel each throb of his cock as he shoots his sperm into my ravaged ass. “Damn JJ what a fucking awesome fuck,” he says, pulling his cock from me and walks from the room. 

I’m ashamed of myself and I hurry up to get dressed before he comes back in. I hear the shower turn on so I hurry and leave his room, his apartment and walk home crying. I avoided his calls, I even avoided walking to and from school with him for almost two weeks. My uncle, if he noticed the change in me, remains quiet and more distant.

Brian must have taken the hint that I didn’t want to see him again because he stopped calling me and I stopped seeing him around school. He was even hanging out with a new group of friends.

It’s our first Hanukkah together and although it wasn’t that big of a deal to me, he gave me a card with twenty dollars in it. It may not seem like much but Hanukkah lasts for eight days with the gifts getting better as the holiday progresses. Unfortunately, it didn’t for me. He had a huge party because as he said he needed to get laid and he wasn’t sure who’s ass he wanted to fuck. He was so crude and I couldn’t wait to turn eighteen and finally be free of him. How I chastised myself for ever thinking that he loved me when he came to visit us because it was very clear that the only one that he loved was himself. The party began early and the pot and booze flowed freely around the living room. Because it was Hanukkah, he let me share in the pot and booze as long as I didn’t leave his apartment. Did you notice it was always HIS apartment and never ours. I had a great buzz going on but stayed away from the booze. I wasn’t fond of how I felt after I drank, especially when I drank too much. One thing that I did notice that a couple of my uncle’s friends kept eyeing me like I was dinner and they were starving. My uncle must have noticed how they were looking at me because he staggered over to me and right there in a room filled with his friends he started yelling at me about how much he never wanted me to come live with him and why don’t I do us both a favor and go to some foster home to live. To say that I was embarrassed would be a gross understatement. I was literally devastated by his cruel words and ran from the room crying. 

“See Jeremiah you’re so fucking unlovable and Randy just proved it,” I nearly shout as I continue to cry.

I really don’t know how long I was crying but it felt like hours to me when my bedroom door opens and closes quietly. I’m hoping it’s Randy coming to take back his words when I felt someone sit down beside me on the bed.

“He really didn’t mean what he said,” his friend, someone or other, says softly to me as he gently rubs my back. “It’s just the pot and booze talking,” he says and I turn to him.

“Oh he meant every word that he said because people usually are less inhibited when they are under the influence of drugs or alcohol or both. I get it, I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’m just plain unlovable,” and to prove my point I lunge upward and plant my mouth over his, kissing him heatedly until he pushes me away and stands up. 

“See, even you don’t want me,” I tell him and bury my face back into the pillow.

“It’s not that I don’t want you Jeremiah, but you’re Randy’s nephew and you’re just fifteen.”

“I’m sixteen now, my birthday was on the nineteenth, which he didn’t even remember.”

“Even still, sixteen years old would still land me in prison.”

“Are you planning on telling anyone because I’m not,” I assure him. “But why would you want someone like me who’s totally unlovable?”

“I’m so going to regret this,” he says as he lies down beside me and takes me in his arms, kissing me hard and feverishly like I’m the last guy that he’ll ever have.

Soon we are both naked and he’s on top of me looking down into my eyes. I love how he looks at me and I’m determined that I’m going to rock his world.

“Make love to me please, you don’t even have to tell me that you love me,” I’m begging him.

“Have you ever done this with a man before?” I nod my head although Brian wasn’t a man, he did fuck me.

“I’m willing to do anything to earn your love,” I add and he groans as he lowers his mouth to mine and kisses me. 

He sits up between my legs and spits into his hand and rubs it around my hole. He spits again but this time he rubs it around his throbbing manhood. He’s gazing into my eyes as he thrusts his cock into me and I begin to scream as the pain rushes through me. He instantly covers my mouth with his hand to stifle my cries and holds it there until he feels my ass muscles relax.

“I thought that you said that you did this before,” he says giving me a stern look.

“I did just once a long time ago with a past friend, never with a man though.”

“Well you can add a man to your list now handsome,” he says and begins to ride my ass like a real man should, hard, deep and driving me senseless with erotic pleasure as his cock rubs some magic spot inside my ass that’s got me thrashing wildly. 

Oh it still hurts but that new sensation was so much better than my pain. I was going to give … I didn’t even know his name but I was doing whatever it took to make him love me. He’s pounding me like Randy pounded him that night that I spied a look at them fucking. I so wanted to take him away from my uncle and teach that heartless bastard a lesson. I’m pushing up each time that he’s thrusting into me and soon I can feel my climax boiling in my balls.

“I’m going to come,” and I shoot my sperm all over me and him as he pounds my ass harder. “I love you,” I tell him just as he’s about to come.

“Oh fuck I’m sorry baby but I’m shooting in you and I can’t help myself,” he says as he continues to pound my sore ass. “Oh fuck I love…" he pauses and I’m in heaven because he loves me. “Damn I love your ass sweetie,” he says and I’m deflated.

He might as well have struck me in my stomach or across the face because it would have had the same affect on me. I’m sorry that I ever thought that he could love me, I’m thinking when my bedroom door opens and this other guy comes in.

“What the fuck man? Are you fucking crazy, he’s a kid,” this guy says looking down at us. “He’s hot as hell but he’s still a kid,” he reminds his friend.

“What the fuck was I suppose to do? I came in to comfort him and the next thing that I know he’s throwing himself at me and begging me to fuck him,” he tells him and I’m ashamed because that’s exactly what I did.

“Don’t go blaming him, it’s my fault,” I tell this new guy. “Come on, wouldn’t you like to fuck me? I saw how you have been undressing me with your eyes earlier. Just have your friend here lock the door on his way out,” I tell him and one undresses as the other dresses.

This guy is smaller in size and with the other guy’s man juice inside me, he slides right in and there’s no pain. I give him a ride that he won’t soon forget and we’re no sooner into our rhythm, he’s grunting as he adds his sperm to his friend's.

“Thanks handsome, that’s the best fuck that I've had in a long time,” he says getting off of me and quickly getting dressed. 

I’m left there in my room alone and naked and still believing that I’m unlovable. “You might as well admit it, you’re only good for one thing and that’s sex. No one is ever going to love you no matter what you do to make them happy,” I tell myself as my tears roll down my cheeks. “Tomorrow I’m leaving this hell hole and Randy can go fuck himself,” I mutter as I pull the blankets up to cover me.

The next morning I’m packed and have my two meager bags waiting by the kitchen door as I wait for my uncle to make his grumpy entrance into the kitchen. He staggers in, not because he’s still drunk but he’s not too steady first thing in the morning. He may not be steady but he’s always alert and he spots my bags as soon as he enters the room.

“What the fuck are those doing there, “he grumbles as he pours himself a cup of coffee.

“They’re my bags and I’m moving out,” I tell him staring at him in the eyes.

“The hell you are, now get that shit out of my kitchen,” he demands and I walk over to the bags, pick them up and walk out the back door, kicking it shut behind me.

I’m halfway down the stairs when I feel his hand grab me by my arm and pull me around. He gives me his best pissed off look but it has absolutely no affect on me. I shrug my arm away and continue on down the stairs.

“Jeremiah please … please don’t leave. I’m so terribly sorry for how I treated you,” he says and my feet stop in place as I turn to face him.

He’s crying quietly but he’s still crying and his tears roll down his face like waves rolling on the shore.

“Words, that’s all they are uncle. I heard you telling your fuck buddies that you were hoping that I would want to go into foster care and don’t deny it. Well I don’t want foster care and I don’t want you either. I’m old enough to survive on the streets. Hell, I’ll sell my body and get rich doing it. I don’t need you to tell me that I’m unlovable, your fucking actions alone proved it. Goodbye uncle and enjoy YOUR apartment,” I tell him and I can’t believe that I had the balls to stand up to him.

He hurries down the stairs and catches me just before I’m about to start down the next staircase. He stands on the stair before mine and places his hands on my shoulders.

“You’re right Jeremiah, I did say all those terrible things to my friends. What you don’t know is why I said them. Oh you may think you do and that it’s because I never wanted you. Well my dear sweet boy you’re wrong, so very, very wrong. The truth is, what the fuck do you prefer, JJ or Jeremiah?”

“Jeremiah … please.”

“Like I was saying Jeremiah, I have always wanted you and not just recently. I have wanted you ever since that last Hanukkah that we were all together. I think that you were around twelve, give or take a year. You were so beautiful and you would climb up on my lap and just snuggle up to me. But you were just a child and although I may be gay, I do have standards when it comes to children. They are off limits, especially when they’re my brother’s son. Do I want you now, more than you could possibly imagine. I love you Jeremiah and I’m truly sorry for all the pain and sorrow that I have caused you. Are you unlovable, never, I truly do love you with all my heart.”

“Do you love me enough for us to be lovers … Randy?” I dared to ask. “Or is this just another ploy of yours to keep me from leaving?”

“But you’re my nephew and just a kid, Jeremiah. Please don’t do this … it’s not right and look at how we’ll have to live,” he’s not the strong man now because he’s begging and he’s never begged, ever.

“You say that I’m just a kid and yet in two years I’ll be considered an adult. Look at our religion where thirteen is the age of reasoning. Yes I am your nephew but we look nothing alike. Unless you or I openly tell someone about our relationship then who’s to know?”

“I’ll know Jeremiah and so will …” he won’t name him but he turns his eyes upward.

“I’m not staying here while you fuck every Tom, Dick and Harry and I have to either stay in my room or listen to you have fun while I have none. Sorry uncle but it’s not happening. Now if you’ll excuse me,” I say looking stoically at him.

“Please forgive me for what I’m about to do,” he whispers and grabs my face in his hands and he kisses me in such a thoroughly devastating way it’s all I can do to stop from falling forward and taking us both down the stairs.

His kisses are greedy as he claims my mouth and I claim his right back as I drop my bags and wrap my arms around him. He’s pressing his hardening cock against my thigh as my hand slides down to his crotch to press against his stiff cock, which is rigid.

“Please stay Jeremiah, I love you and if it takes the rest of my life to prove it I’ll do my best to insure that you won’t regret it.”

“You really do love me … Jeremiah Williams … you’re not just saying this right?” I ask.

“No my precious one, I’m not just saying it because I truly have and do love you. You are so totally lovable and don’t you ever believe differently.”

We go back upstairs for two reasons. The first being that we were beginning to attract attention. The other reason was because Randy is in nothing but those ugly boxers and his cock is poking out of the fly. Upstairs he drops my bags and pulls me into his arms and just before he kisses me he steps back.

“I think that we need to establish a few ground rules before we embark on this relationship, kid. There will be no anal sex between us until you’re eighteen. I’m really going to stick to this Jeremiah so you can stop with the pouting face. Next, I’m fifteen years older than you and I have been around the block so too speak, so … you are free to have your side-flings as long as they’re not in OUR apartment. You want to have oral sex with me, that’s fine but everything else WILL wait until you’re eighteen.”

“I’m not very happy about the no fucking clause but I’ll abide by it. Now I have a couple of rules also. If I’m going to be your lover then I expect to be your equal, and that also means that you WILL stop referring to me as kid. It’s Jeremiah, not kid and I’m closer to being a legal adult then I am a child. Now if I can’t have sex in our apartment, then I expect the same respect from you in the matter. That is going to be respected as our bed alone. Are you in agreement with all this because I am if you are.”

“I’m in agreement. Why do I feel like I just made a binding contract with the devil himself?” He asks and I step up to him and aggressively kiss him until he’s forgetting everything but me.

This ends our beginning years.

Part 2
1

As remembered by Jeremy Michaels 

1981 A new year and a new beginning …

After we made peace between us things grew quite well between us but not so much with his friends and our neighbors. It seems that spying eyes witnessed not only our heated conversation but also our very heated kiss afterwards. Of course it didn’t help matters much that Randy was kissing me in his boxers while sporting a very obvious erection. With this being the case we moved two months later to Tallahassee, Florida where he took a job with an old friend and state representative. I finished school and enrolled at Florida State College as a History major. It was less than two years later that I turned eighteen. I had been anticipating that event because it meant that Randy would now make love to me. I hadn’t been with anyone else since Randy and I became a couple. Well that’s to say that I hadn’t fucked with anyone else since we became a couple. 

December 19, 1984

“What is it that you are continually looking at?" he asks me looking around the room for something that’s either out of place or missing.

“The clock,” is all that I say and smile.

“For what, have you got somewhere to go?”

“I might.”

He just looks at me suspiciously but he doesn’t utter a word and goes back to his reading. It’s 11:30 and I get up from my seat and start to leave the room. He glances at the clock and then at me, still clueless about what’s going on.

“I’m going to take a shower honey,” I tell him and leave him sitting there puzzled.

I totally prepare myself for what I’ve been waiting for, for almost two years. In less than a half hour I’m going to jump my man and rock his world like it’s never been rocked before. Dried and with a towel wrapped around my waist, I exit the bathroom. Randy has moved from the living room to the chair in our bedroom now and he’s still reading. My eyes glance to the alarm clock on the bedside table; 11:58 it reads. He hasn’t even glanced up at me once since I entered the room and really… how can he be so clueless, I’m thinking as I walk over to stand before him.

“Hello!” I exclaim and he sets aside his book and it’s then that I notice the box sitting on his lap. “What’s the box for,” I ask because there’s nothing special about it, it’s a plain cardboard box.

“What box … oh this box,” he says trying to act so innocent. “I guess you’ll have to open it and find out,” he says and I kneel down before him placing my hands on the box.

I carefully lift the flaps and peak inside. There’s his cock standing hard and proud along with a card. I pull out the card and read it. It’s one of those no verse cards where you write your own words…

To my man sent from above 

The only man that I will ever love 

Now get your beautiful ass into bed 

Because I’m going to make love to you until we’re both about dead.

“I’m sorry about the dead word, I just couldn’t think of something to rhyme with bed,” he says and when I look at him through my teary eyes his eyes are tearing too.

“You remembered my birthday sweetheart,” now I’m crying so hard that he stands and helps me to my feet and into his arms.

There’s Randy and there’s me, and our urgency and desire for each other. I lean into the warmth of his body as he holds me close and kisses me in such a thoroughly devastating way that it’s all I can do to stand.

“Please Randy,” I’m begging him.

His kisses are greedy as he claims my mouth and I claim his right back as I wrap my arms around him, pressing his hardening cock against his in a promise. His hand slides down to drop the towel from around me so he can wrap his hand around my cock, which is hard and full of its own expectations also. I squeeze his cock and glide my hand up and down on it causing him to moan.

“I’m going to fuck you right here if you’re not careful,” Randy groans against my neck.

I take him by the hand and lead him to our bed, kissing my way down his masculine body as my hands take his boxers down on my descent to my knees. 

“Oh fuck, your mouth is so hot baby … not too much because I’m so dancing on the edge,” he’s warning me so I stop because I want his cum inside me and not in my mouth.

He helps me onto the bed and when he reaches for a rubber, I grab his hand.

“I’m safe because I was recently tested just for this occasion,” I tell him.

“I was too, because there’s nothing like bare-backing with the one that you love,” he whispers and kisses me.

He lubes my ass and then works his fingers carefully into it as he prepares me for our first union. He’s believing that he’s going to be my first – and although guilt is at the edge of my mind – I haven’t the heart to hurt him and tell that he’s not. His fingers are suddenly gone and he’s kissing me as he eases himself inside me. My back arches high and my hands fist the sheets with the thrill of him finally in me … I gasp. 

“Am I hurting you sweetheart?” His concern for me undoes me and I shake my head because if I were to speak then I would cry from the shear magnitude and beauty of this moment.

The weight of his body on mine is intoxicating and his masculine scent fills my senses leaving me heady. In his arms I find safety from the world outside that would judge our relationship and condemn him. There’s a comfort that I haven’t yet felt with Randy as we’re joined together and my love for him deepens. My body is more than ready because it’s pressing up to meet him as he thrusts gently into my heat. Suddenly he grabs me by my ass and we’re rolling until he’s sitting up with me straddling his lap. He’s stroking my cock that’s swollen with need as I ride his cock that’s buried so deeply in me. I’m really enjoying this position and getting into how I’m controlling our movements when he does another rollover. I’m belly-down on the bed, face pressed into a pillow with chills running haphazardly over my body. My man is totally blowing my mind because he suddenly slaps me on the ass. The shear thrill of that slap sends me careening into a realm that I never knew existed before.

“Again … oh fuck that’s exciting.” I’m urging and he’s delivering as his hand gives me several more as he rides me. It’s like the end of the world is upon us and the last thing he wants to do before it ends is to have me. I’m his, all his, forever his and he’s forever mine. His urgency to climax only makes me more wild for him.

“Fuck me … breed your man,” I urge him. “Oh fuck me Randy.”

And when he comes, thrusting intensely, his mouth biting my neck, his arms heavy over mine, he sobs out my name, “Jeremiah… I love you,” he cries out over and over, smothered against my neck.

When he finally collapses on me, his cock is still inside me. I shudder hard as I come between myself and the bed. The afterglow is as pure and beautiful as the climax itself because there’s the thrill of having made love with Randy. I’m not sure that, if I were asked to put into words what I’m feeling if I can. Why, because there’s no words that can adequately describe the love, the closeness and fulfilled desire that I’m feeling. His fingers are tight against my hips as he eases himself out of me, turns me to face him and drops to cover my body with his warmth.

“Happy birthday my darling man,” he gives me such a kiss that if it were possible to lose one’s breath from a kiss, his certainly causes mine to pause for what seems like eternity. “Is it everything that you expected it to be my love?”

“No … it went far beyond what I expected it to be with you. You took me to a place that there’s no words to describe what I’m feeling at this moment for you. To even say, I love you would be totally inadequate. But I do love you Randy, I’m so in love with you and tonight you have made my life with you complete.”

We made love several times again throughout the night and into the early morning before he pulls me against the warmth of his body and we drift off to sleep.

We lived there for four years until our relationship was discovered so we ended up moving yet again to hide our love to Nashville, Tennessee where I got my teaching degree from Tennessee State University. That would later prove to be a total waste of my time and money because he wouldn’t let me get a job teaching. He felt that we could be discovered like we had in Florida. So I stayed home and he became the bread winner until we moved again four years later. I was beginning to become an introvert because I began letting myself dwell on my past when I was alone. This time we headed north to Amherst, Massachusetts and made my last attempt to get him to agree with me to get a teaching position.

1992

“I don’t see why you won’t let me teach, Randy. I’m not stupid, I know I have to keep my mouth shut about us. What happened in Florida wasn’t my fault and you know it. How was I to know that Eva was going to follow me home or just come walking in on us when we were fucking?”

Eva was the one girl that I came close to ever more than a friend. We met at Florida State and she was obsessed with me and I with her. Looking back, I really shouldn’t have kept my feelings for her a secret from Randy. The only reason that I did was because I wasn’t sure just what those feelings were. She and I made out between classes and although she wanted to take our friendship further, I wasn’t sure. It felt like I was cheating on Randy even though all that we did was kiss and fondle each other. But what I felt with her gave me pause, it made me think and for a while, doubt my sexuality. So needless to say our friendship ended. You want to talk about a woman scorned, she was the epitome of that saying. She told anyone and everyone that would listen how she caught me and another man fucking. To this day I never told him about my feelings for Eva.

“Are you listening to me? I never said that it was your fault Jeremiah. What was your fault was telling people that you lived with your uncle. You’re just lucky that she didn’t realize that I was your uncle.

“Oh no you’re not going to lay that solely on me mister. Not when I asked you how we were going to handle our living arrangements. You’re the one that told me to go with uncle and nephew because neither of us was to bring home guests.

He argues, “Okay I stand corrected and I apologize. So I want you to answer me this question: what are you going to do when a colleague invites you to a party or some other function and asks you out on a date or maybe come back to your house?”

“I’ll decline like I always did before,” I snapped at him. “Do you even know or can you imagine how I feel Randy. I’m beginning to feel like a fucking prisoner always confined to these four walls and only allowed outside after dark or as far as the end of our patio. At least you get out and work so why can’t I?”

“Fine, you want to work then we’ll buy separate dwellings. That way no one will be the wiser,” he says, and that’s the end of the discussion because he’s like Elvis, he’s left the building.

So over the next month we searched for condos and townhouses until we finally decided on two units that were side by side and newly built. I purchased mine and he purchased his and we tell our realtor that I am moving here from Tennessee for a job. If there was one thing that I learned and learned well from Randy, it was how to either lie or stretch the truth. By the beginning of summer after we moved into our separate dwellings, I had a position with the Springfield school system teaching twelfth grade history. Although it was awkward at first having two dwellings, Randy quickly remedied the problem. He constructed a doorway that opened from my side into his. If the occasion should arise that someone was at my home, a large cabinet on wheels covered the doorway.

“I got it sweetheart … I got that teaching job at the high school that I applied for.” I’m so excited as I come running into Randy’s house waving my acceptance letter in the air.

“That’s great honey,” is all that he said. 

I was so excited when I came outside to get my mail and found Derrick Reynolds sitting in my swing with his legs sprawled across the cushion.

“Excuse me but you have no business here on my porch,” I told him and he drops his feet to the floor and stands.

“And what are you going to do about it, cutie?” he says to me with his nose almost touching mine.

“Ah … I’ll call the police if you don’t leave,” I tell him and I’m sure that he can sense my fear.

“Oh yeah just try it and I’ll make your life hell. Don’t think I didn’t notice how you have been watching me all summer like you knew what I looked like naked.”

“Me … I … no, I would never,” I’m stammering as he’s stepping forward. I’m stepping backwards until my front door is against my back. “Please Derrick, I'm asking you nicely, would you please go?”

“No,” he says and then he presses his body against mine as his mouth savagely attacks my mouth with a kiss. His cock is hard also.

I’m pushing against his chest until he grabs my wrists and pins them against the door over my head. I open my mouth to yell but his tongue invades it before I can utter a sound. 

“I’m going to be raped by him,” I’m thinking. 

Suddenly I’m no longer pinned against my door. I open my eyes and see Randy pounding the shit out of Derrick on my porch as he screams out for Randy to stop. 

“No one, and I do mean no one, touches my nephew with intent to rape him,” he’s yelling down at the kid. By now the neighbors are outside watching and cheering Randy on. I know that Derrick deserves everything and more that Randy is dishing out to him but I don’t want Randy going to jail either.

“Randy stop! I think you've gotten your point across to him,” I tell him as I take hold of his swinging arm. 

He must have thought that I was one of Derrick’s friends coming to help him because he turns abruptly and his fist lands square to my face. I’m down and seeing stars as I try to take in a solid breath, but I fail.

“Oh shit Jeremiah, I’m so sorry,” he says dropping down beside me and taking me into his arms. 

He’s just about to lower his face to mine when I whisper, neighbors. He stiffens and asks me if I’m alright.

“At the moment I think you really need to focus more on him because he’s trying to sneak away,” I tell him and he sticks out his leg and trips Derrick as he tries to flee. “I’ll live, now go attend to him.”

He grabs Derrick by his shirt and hoists him to his feet. Derrick’s face is a mess but nothing seriously wrong. He’ll definitely have two black eyes and some very sore ribs for awhile.

“I’m going to give it to you like you like to give it to those of us that you think can’t defend ourselves. If I hear one fucking thing about today from you or any of your fuckhead friends, I’ll have my nephew press charges for aggravated assault with intent to rape against you. Now that includes any kind of retaliation also. Am I absolutely clear on this, boy?”

“I got it but I wasn’t going to rape him … just scare him,” he says and from the look on his face I know that he regrets saying that.

“How about I take your skinny ass inside and show you how a real man fucks,” Randy says just a breath away from Derrick’s face.

“Nooooo sir,” he stutters and lowers his head in defeat.

“I didn’t think so; now get the fuck out of my sight before I change my mind and…” Derrick is gone before Randy can finish his statement. “Come on Jeremiah, let me help you inside,” he says helping me to my feet and leading me into my house to our neighbors applause.

Once inside the door he’s holding me tenderly and kissing me like my life depended on it. I’ve never seen him so attentive to me as he is at this moment. I’m still shaking when he sits me down on the sofa and sits beside me.

“Did I hurt you baby?”

“I’m okay. You just knocked the wind out of me. Am I going to have a black eye?”

He takes a closer look at my eye and smiles. “Oh yeah baby, you’re going to have one hell of a shiner,” he tells me and I’m about to cry.

Not because he hit me; that was an accident. Why I’m upset is because I’m afraid of the tongue-waggers. They have nothing better to do than gossip about the neighbors. I’m afraid of them and the lies that they spread.

“Jeremiah, I need you to really listen to what I’m going to say,” he begins and I give him my undivided attention. “Do you think that you can handle a room full of Derricks?” My heart begins to race at his question and it feels like a thousand degrees inside the room.

“Breathe baby … that’s it, take a deep breath,” he’s telling me as I look up at him from the floor because I must have fainted.

“I can’t do it Randy … no matter how much I want to get out of the house and teach. I’m not capable of handling kids like Derrick. I just can’t,” I tell him crying so hard that my chest hurts. “I’m not sure that I’m even capable of being happy anymore. I’m so afraid of going through this life and never really living. I can’t keep up this sham Randy … these lie’s and secrets. When are we ever going to be happy and just live like other people live? Is this my punishment for loving you, Randy or for being gay? Maybe it should have been me that died and not my parents,” I tell him as I get up and quietly walk from the room.

“Sweetheart don’t go like this,” I hear him say from the room that everyone thinks is my bedroom. “Come back and let’s talk about this.” I shake my head and walk into my pristine bedroom, locking the door behind me.

I sit down on a bed that I’ve never slept in and realize that I’m tired … tired of living a life of lies and deceit. I finally admit that I’m not happy. I never really was because I was always too busy hiding a love that I never wanted to hide, but we had to. He’s knocking on the door and I know that he’s worried about me, I’m worried about me because right now I’m contemplating something that I should really be ashamed and afraid of, but I’m not.

“Go home Randy, I’m fine,” I tell him even though I’m not and I look at the bottle of sleeping pills that my doctor prescribed for my insomnia. “I’ll never have to hide anything again, ever,” I’m telling myself as I open the bottle and shake out the contents into my hand. “I said that I’m fine, damn it now go the fuck home Uncle Randy,” I tell him and toss the pills into my mouth, chew them up and swallow them just as he breaks open the door.

“Oh sweet lord what have you done,” he says picking up the bottle from the floor.

“I’m done, I don’t want to do this anymore Uncle Randy.” He knows that something is wrong because it’s been years since I called him uncle. 

He rushes out of the room and I can hear him talking frantically on the phone to someone. I really don’t care because at this point I’m sure that death won’t need me to lie, or will it. I really don’t care. The last thing that I remember is feeling him slapping my face and telling me to please do something … what is it he’s saying and then … darkness.

“I’m awake but where am I? This isn’t my room … oh fuck it’s the hospital and now they know, everyone knows what I did.” I’m thinking as I struggle against the restraints on my wrists.

“I’m Dr. Stone. You’re in the psychiatric unit of Baystate Medical Center because you tried to commit suicide. The restraints are for your own protection,” he tells me and I refuse to even acknowledge him or his comments.

“I want to see my uncle,” is all that I say and remain silent every time he tries to talk to me.

“Can you tell me how you came about getting that black eye, Jeremiah?”

“No! Now either get me my uncle or leave me alone.”

“If I arrange for you to see your uncle will you then talk with me?”

“Listen, you want to know what the fuck happened to me then I’ll tell you. This neighborhood thug tried to rape me and when my uncle stopped him, my uncle went postal on him. I tried to stop him from beating him but he mistook me for the thug’s friend and slugged me accidentally. I was momentarily distraught and took some pills because I was ashamed that I couldn’t stop him. You know the rest. Would I do it again, fuck no because I’m so ashamed. Now my only solution is to sell my place and move out of this fucking state. Now either get me my uncle or I’m going to make your life a fucking hell,” I tell him.

He stands there staring at me as if I had suddenly grown a second head. I lie there looking back at him thinking that he’s a dick.

“I’m not crazy … upset, embarrassed and ashamed I’ll admit but definitely not crazy,” I tell him hoping to get him to do or say something, anything other than just stand there looking at me.

“I never said that you were crazy Jeremiah. I’m trying to get to the reason why you felt that you had no reason to live so you decided to end your life.”

“I’ll make a deal with you doc. You tell me why I did this and I’ll agree with you and that way we’ll all be happy.”

“It doesn’t work that way but I’ll play along with you. I think that the attempted rape triggered repressed memories or feelings deep down inside of your mind. I’m thinking maybe something that goes back years came up suddenly and along with what happened yesterday to you became too much for you to deal with. Am I getting close, Jeremiah?”

“Just because you wear a white coat that doesn’t give you the right to dig into my mind. Well, it doesn’t. Now I’m tired and this conversation is over.” He releases the straps that keep me tethered to the bed and I nod before turning away from him. 

I’m not sure how long I lay there but eventually I fell asleep. I’m having horrible nightmares, my parents are screaming at me that I’m nothing but trash and unlovable. Then they’re gone and Randy is telling me that he’ll keep me but if I want his love then I have to earn it. I’m sweating profusely and shaking when I feel a gentle hand barely nudging me awake.

“Jeremiah, wake up; you are having a nightmare,” my doctor says calmly.

“I just want to be loved and love like everyone else does,” I say and lean against his shoulder and cry.

“Why can’t you love like everyone else,” he asks still holding me and I doubt, even in my current state of mind that it’s legal.

“I can’t is all,” I push away from him and wipe my eyes with the sheet. 

“You know that everything that we talk about is considered confidential. I’m under a set of rules and guidelines that forbids me to disclose what you tell me in confidence.”

“Everything, even if it’s illegal?”

“Well that depends upon the subject matter and what laws it broke. I already have a good idea of what’s bothering you, Jeremiah. But I would rather that you tell me instead of me guessing.”

“I can’t because we swore an oath never to tell,” and I realize that I've already said too much.

“Who did you swear an oath with, your uncle,” my eyes fly to his and it’s as if an internal dam had broken as I break down in tears. My body is shaking horribly as years of guilt, lies and even shame flood me. “We never wanted to fall in love with each other but it just happened over the years. I came to him with my love and he fought me until I relentlessly wore him down. Then once we became a couple that’s when our relationship became complicated. It was a lie here and a lie there to hide what we found with each other. Then came the moving around to keep prying eyes from discovering our relationship. Throw all that on top of the fact that me being gay caused me to lose both of my parents. Then came the assault and I collapsed internally.” I look over at my doctor and his face … that should be showing shock … is showing compassion. “I really do love him,” I confess openly for the first time to someone other than Randy.

“I know and he loves you also, because he’s already told me so. He’s afraid that he’s the reason that you tried to end your life. He also told me about your relationship. I’m not a lawyer but I doubt that you broke any laws other than moral ones. Even if it was illegal in any of the states that you lived in, I do believe that there’s a statue of limitations governing said offense.”

“What does that mean, a statue of limitations?”

“It means that after a certain length of time you cannot be prosecuted for something that happened before it ran out.”

“What about now, is our relationship against the law?”

“As I said before, I’m not a lawyer so I really can’t give you that kind of advice. What I can tell you is that you need some kind of on going therapy to help you come to terms with your past. I would also recommend seeking out a lawyer for answers to your questions. Jeremiah, lawyers are bound by the same confidentiality code that we are,” he tells me and suddenly there’s light at the end of the tunnel. “Now if you are up to it, there’s someone waiting who really wants to see you.”

“Randy,” is all that I can manage to say, and I nod.

“I’m standing at the window considering everything that my doctor has told me when I hear the door open and close quietly. I turn and there’s Randy, his face showing the tracks of his tears as he waits for me to make the first move. I can’t stand the brokenness that I see in his eyes, in his slumped shoulders and I run to him as if he’s my link to sanity and living.

“I’m so sorry for what I did to you Randy,” I tell him through my tears.

“I’m the one that’s sorry sweetie, I truly am. I should have noticed what our relationship was doing to you, how sordid it is and I totally understand that you wanted to end it.”

“Stop right there, did I ever once call what we had filthy or sleazy? No, I didn’t, not then and certainly not now. Do I still want a relationship with you, yes I do, but I’m not going back to the way it was. We’re going to find an attorney, preferably a gay one, and discuss our options with him. From this day on we’re going to live like any other gay couple would live. Proud of who we are and free to love whoever we choose to love. I’m also going to be in here for a while because … well I’m going to be in here until I can prove to my doctor and to myself that I’m no longer a threat to me, myself and I.

“I’m sorry that it’s taken something like this for us to realize just how fucked up we became. I’m going for help also. Dr. Stone has given me the name of a good therapist who can help me sort out my feelings and emotions that have haunted me for decades. Well I guess I'd better be going. Your doctor only allowed me a few minutes with you,” he pauses, because I’m sure that he wants to kiss me but he’s not sure if he can or should.

“You had best get your sexy ass over here and kiss me goodbye,” I tell him and he rushes to me surrounding me with his arms and love as his mouth captures mine in one of the most beautiful kisses ever. “I love you Randy, and don’t you ever forget that,” I tell him and kiss him one last time as the door opens and my doctor patiently waits for him.

I spent a total of six weeks in the hospital and although I came to terms with many things in my past, there were some things that I still wasn’t yet ready to let go of. Maybe I will share them and maybe they’re to painful to bring into the light.

Once home we talked for hours and days about our options. Randy located a gay lawyer who listened to our dilemma and he even admitted to having had a brief sexual relationship with his half-brother while in college but they parted friends because neither of them wanted the hassle that came with that kind of relationship. He did find a viable solution for us and that was for me to have my last name changed to that of my mother’s maiden name. He said that I could have it done legally or just use it as my name in passing. Randy and I talked about it and we agreed that it would be better if I had it changed legally. So in 1998 I had my last name changed legally to Meyers. We sold our townhouses and rented a lovely ranch house in Avon, Connecticut. Neither of us liked winter so we decided to rent because Randy was getting up there in years as I liked to tease him as he approached fifty.

“Now that we can live a normal life Randy, how about one final move. I’m hearing some great things about South Carolina, especially the Myrtle Beach area. We could take a vacation down there and scope out the area for homes and possible employment.”

“Are you sure sweetheart, because I know how much you've hated moving over the years. I’m game if you're really sure.”

“I’m sure and I was so sure that you would agree that I booked us reservations on American Airlines for 9:00 Friday morning, and I rented a beach house in North Myrtle Beach for two weeks.”

“Friday morning? Good heavens, that’s the day after tomorrow, honey.”

“I know and that will give us time to pack and shop for whatever we might need.”

Time flew and when we landed at the Myrtle Beach Airport we were shocked by the heat and humidity that greeted us. After New England’s cooler temperatures and almost lack of humidity, this was nice once we became accustomed to it. I located a realtor who happily took me around while Randy took to looking for a job. By the end of the first week I found and put a solid bid on a three bedroom, two and a half bath house with an in-ground heated pool and a large screened-in patio in the town of Little River on the border of North and South Carolina. Randy absolutely loved it. He also had luck finding employment with the University of South Carolina as an associate dean. So in 2000 we moved to Little River and that’s where we are currently. To our neighbors we are a happily married gay couple from Connecticut. I’m in heaven because I’m now entertaining as I always wanted to do and we have friends. Friends who we can be ourselves with that we no longer have to lie to or hide our love from.

The only thing that I would have loved to have with Randy was a child or two. But now that we are living comfortably and enjoying life, I don’t think that a child would have been good for us. Instead Randy surprised me with a rescue dog that he fell in love with at a local shelter during one of their adoption drives. He’s nothing that you would call a special breed. He’s a combination of four different varieties of dog breeds. He’s mostly black with a sprinkling of brown and cream colors thrown haphazardly on him and large … very large.

“So what are you going to name him,” I ask Randy.

“At first I thought Heinz, like the catsup. But then I love how he follows me around everywhere I go like my shadow. So that’s his name, Shadow. He’s mostly black like a shadow and he’s always with me so it just seems to fit him.”

“I like that … Shadow … it really does fit him.

So life is going good until sometime around the middle of 2016 when I started noticing that Randy was forgetting things more than usual. I gave our personal physician a call around the beginning of October and told him about the things that I was noticing with Randy’s memory. By now he’s sixty five and beginning to slow down so I suggested that he have a physical. He didn’t give me a hard time about it as long as I had one also. I agreed and in November just after the Veterans Day, Randy had his physical and the doctor ordered a battery of tests for dementia and Alzheimer diseases. I remember how hard and emotionally painful it was waiting for the test results. When they finally came back we were asked to come into our doctor’s office to talk with him. I knew then and there that what he had to say about the results wasn’t good.

“I’m sorry Randy, but you’re in the beginning stages of dementia,” he told him and Randy just looks from him to me and then back to him.

“Okay doc, is that all that bad? It’s better than having Alzheimer isn’t it?”

“Yes and no. Both diseases cause the brain over time to lose its ability to function as it should. Things like your short term memory are one of the first signs that you might have a problem with one of these two diseases. Eventually both will eventually cause you to die. But there are medications that can slow down the diseases' progression and hopefully they may find a cure for it.”

“So how long do I have and will I need to go into a special nursing home?” 

I’m blown away by how well he’s taking this. He’s doing much better than I am and he’s asking questions that I haven’t even begun to think of, much less ask.

“As for how long you may have, that’s entirely on your brain Randy. Every patient is different. Some go for years, slowly progressing while others seem to succumb to it quickly. Now I’m going to start you on a regimen of medicine that will slow down the progression and help you to remember more. I’ve also sent your records over to Dr. Mayfield who’s the area’s best doctor in this kind of disease. Here’s his name, address and phone number as well as your appointment date and time,” he says handing me the card. We’re quiet as we leave his office and walk to the car. I don’t know what to say or do because I’m still in shock. 

Covid came and we were once again locked up in our own little world. It wasn’t as hard for us being shut in as it was for a lot of other Americans. We watched as our government shifted power from one president to the other. We hung our hopes on a man who, evidently, was suffering from the same disease as Randy. As Covid-19 slowly strangled America, we looked as a nation to our government for answers and help, only to be greatly disappointed by its lack of leadership and its ability to spend money like there's no end to it. Prices skyrocketed while supplies dwindled. 

Randy had to have his medication tweaked several times before his specialist found something that again maintained his current level of living and slowed his disease. We have good days when he’s more like the man I knew and there’re the days that he’s difficult to live with because he can get quite aggressive at times. Just when I think that all hope is gone, he dazzles me – like the other day when I’m awakened by him blowing me. Then later he hears a song and we end up dancing for hours. Is he with me here currently, or is he remembering us from another time. Only Randy knows but whether it’s in the present or in our past, I love him and I will take whatever blessing we get.

So that’s our story, the story of Randy Williams and Jeremiah Meyers. I’m not looking for anyone's approval and I surely don’t need their judgment either. I write this for the man who lovingly stood by me when I was at my lowest and who gives me a love that’s lasted for over forty years. He’s my soulmate and world and I’m not even thinking about tomorrow or the next day because it may never come. He and I live and love for today because that’s all that we are given.

I once heard someone say … “If you believe in forever, then life is just a one night stand.”

God bless and remember, when love finds you, grab ahold of it with both hands and never let it go because you never know if you’ll ever get a second chance at love again.

Jeremiah and Randy 

Posted: 11/19/2021